Happily Ever After Is Not A Fairy Tale, It’s A Choice
Marriage & Relationship Counseling
Marriage and Relationships Are Not Easy
When marriages or relationships are in trouble, each partner is suffering and feeling isolated. There are two types of strategies for regaining equilibrium when a person feels betrayed, hurt or threatened.
Some people tend toward behaviors of retreat, ranging from going mute in a conversation, staying away from the home, or burying oneself in internet or work activities.
Other people tend toward pursuing behaviors, ranging from physical contact, positive or negative attention seeking, critical or persecutory remarks, repeated requests for attention or intimacy.
Marital or Couples Counseling Can Help
In order to begin to heal a fractured marriage or relationship, we have to change old thinking patterns and replace them with ones that are healthy and beneficial to our own well being, and that of our partner.
Couples begin to develop understanding and insight, forgiveness and compassion and work towards getting the love and spark back into their relationship.
Feeling heard and accepted is paramount in the reconciliation process. I provide a neutral territory to help couples agree upon and work through tough issues with support and compassion.
Neural Re-Wiring for Two
To repair a marriage or a relationship we need to think differently about our spouse or partner, this is done in the neural circuitry of our brain. Couples need to move past the negative associations that have built up over time.
Utilizing our brain’s natural ability to change, called Neuroplasticity, we can make permanent changes in our beliefs and feelings about our significant other.
Only then can we begin to see things from a much clearer perspective. You will learn to regard your partner in a new light, with the absence of negative biases that previously tainted the marriage or relationship .
Will Marriage Counseling Help?
Marital and Couples Counseling
During relational counseling, we will work towards understanding and resolution in the following areas:
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Marriage/Relationship Goals
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Conflicts and Communication
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Infidelity
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Personal Habits
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Sex and Intimacy
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Finances
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Children
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Family and/or Blended Families
What Clients Can Expect From Marriage or Couples Counseling
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Guiding the couple through a win-win problem-solving process to resolution. This will serve as the foundation for resolving issues on which they have been stuck.
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Teaching essential skills so the couple can handle their subsequent differences collaboratively. Disengagement patterns will be replaced with loving, engaging collaboration.
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Teaching skills for keeping the emotional tone between them happy and loving. No more anger, depression, or anxiety. Skills that increase sharing of affection and appreciation.
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Gaining insights into the childhood origins of their problematic habits and preventing further excessive emotional reactivity that lead to distance, arguing and isolation.
If not now … When?
Save Your Marriage, If At All Possible
Divorce is difficult. No matter how common, it is one of the most challenging life experiences. It’s not just your marital status that changes — your entire life unravels.
In divorce you lose a primary, physiological and emotional bond, and often what you have worked hard to build. Divorce can alienate your social circle and can leave you feeling isolated and alone. Divorce is incredibly hard if there are children – not just the actual split, but the rest of their lives.
A tremendous amount of time and effort is involved in dividing up your stuff, coping with custody, finding new places to live, trying to make things fair, etc. It’s a lot of complicated, unpleasant work that just doesn’t seem to end. Rebuilding a loving bond, if possible, is better for everyone.
When To Separate, or Call It Quits
So, when people ask, “when is it time to divorce,” we answer, “when you’ve prayed and tried everything you can to save the marriage and it remains abusive, toxic or dangerous”.
We fight for love, marriage and families. But we do not believe that a divorce is the unpardonable sin. If you are in a marriage where there is active addiction, active pathology (toxic narcissism, sociopathy or psychopathy), active emotional, verbal, physical or financial violence, an in-home separation is not advised. Physical separation to protect the stable spouse and children is recommended. The issues above are corrosive to the health and well-being of all in the home – sometimes lethal. We acknowledge that both genders are capable of being the stable or unstable spouse.
When considering divorce, we recommend consulting your spiritual leader (only if they are not oppressive in their stance towards women and children, or biased toward either gender), seek counsel with respected elders in your community, and with legal counsel before beginning a formal divorce.
